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- December 26, 2004
By Phil Kaplan
the day after Christmas, two-thousand-and-four,
The elves were hung over
and sprawled on the floor.
It was quite a party they
had at the Pole,
Cause Santa left town with
his presents and coal.
They needed release, oh the year
was so stressful.
Their mission to make all the toys was successful,
But Santa was grumpy, his temper was foul,
He'd show up for a work with a grimace and scowl.
on cheesecake and hooked on caffeine,
Santa was tired, obsessive, and mean.
The old ho-ho-hoing was buried by sobs
Mrs. Claus thought her hubby was addicted to carbs!
"Hooray!" the elves cheered
as the old guy went South,
With a mumble, a grumble, a candy cane in his mouth.
They broke out the liquor, they squealed with delight,
They were free from the stress, it was Christmas Eve night!
was tired, he’d just pulled the sleigh
And Santa spent all week
at the North Pole Buffet.
The Scale at the Pole went
But Santa had grown, yes
they knew he weighed more.
and Santa had a pre-Christmas chat,
The sweet red nosed reindeer said, "you're just too fat,"
"You've got to do something" Rudolph complained,
The reindeer last year spent two months with back pain.
So Santa decided, right after his
He'd stay in Fort Lauderdale,
take in some sun.
He'd plan out his plan so he'll be at his best,
And Rudolph and friends earned a vacation rest.
Sweaty and tired and a little distraught,
Santa checked into the Wyndham
He went to his room and took
off his red suit.
He stood in his boxers and
he thought he looked cute.
'Til he saw his reflection and
screamed out “Oh, no!”
“I look like that fellow
made of Pillsbury Dough!”
He screamed even louder and
had a conniption
Then called for the doctor
to write a prescription.
Doctor said “Santa, you’ve got to trim down.
A drug’s not the answer,
but I’m glad you’re in town.”
"Don't get upset by what I have to say,
There's no need to panic, help's on the way!"
"Your blood pressure’s up
in the dangerous range
Your condition requires a
Now here at the Wyndham a
treat is in store.
Phil Kaplan’s beginning his
Doc grabbed the phone and he called
“I’ll need one more ticket
for my patient Saint Nick.”
"His muscles are weak and his glucose is high,
He's got to drop pounds or the reindeer won't fly!"
hung up the phone and he shouted "Aha"
Holly said the Wyndham Resort has a spa!
"Go there and relax, lay back, take a break
Then go for a walk and avoid chocolate cake."
"But what should I do,"
Santa asked with concern,
"Just ease up on stress, and use sunscreen, don't burn!"
"In about 20 days your life will start changing
Phil Kaplan will teach you meal rearranging."
He sat at the spa and he tried
But he was overtaken by carb craving attacks.
He went back to the room in utter frustration,
It was time to learn the secrets of body transformation!
Santa whipped out his laptop
with a wireless link
And he went to philkaplan.com
in a blink
He read about diets, and
all of the bunk,
And fitness devices that were nothing but junk.
outside Santa’s comfortable room,
Rudolph relaxed his hooves
He laid out with Prancer
and Blitzen and Donner,
The waitress came by with
a pina colada,
couple walked by all the reindeer and said,
“He’s drinking, no wonder
his nose is so red”
But Rudolph just lifted has
glass and he laughed.
Blitzen ordered a beer, a
Budweiser on draft.
reindeer were happy, cause Santa admitted,
He had to do something, he
If Santa lost weight they’d
crack open champagne
And next year there'd be
no more reindeer back pain.
Santa sat back with his prized
He felt like he'd just been to fitness truth college.
He turned on the TV and the TV portrayed,
The Home Shopping Network's post-Christmas parade!
The first product up was new Trim
Then Tony went by on his
The cell phone that counts
all the calories you eat,
Was followed by electrodes
that you place on your feet.
you can lose weight," the host said, with no doubt,
"Just buy these new
chocolates with carbs taken out."
Next up were pills that would add to your bust,
And Santa was watching in utter disgust.
And then came the shoes, yes, the
They'd give you great legs just like young Tina Turner's.
Santa stood up yelled “Enough
And he pulled out his journal
and started writing some stuff.
He looked at his belly and finally
He was one of the millions
who had supersized
It was time to resolve, make
a new resolution
2005 was the year of solution.
On the 13th of January the mass
Began with Phil clearing up misinformation.
As Santa took notes all the people did cheer,
Phil said on the cheat day they could still have their beer.
They wouldn't be starving or swallowing
They'd tone up their muscles and aerobic skills.
The best part of all was that Kaplan unveiled,
his strategy promising "no one can fail!"
Santa was ready, he took a train home
The elves picked him up at the station in Nome.
And back in the North Santa took Phil's advice,
He ate chicken breasts, salad, and some brown rice.
started weight training a few times a week
He learned it was simple to shape his physique.
He felt so much better, he jogged through the snow,
And once again elves heard the old Ho Ho Ho.
found himself enjoying aerobic dance.
His tailor said, "Santa, let's take in your pants."
His clothes all fit better,
his mood had improved,
And even the elves started to eat better food.
'Twas oh simple with Kaplan's advice,
And his powders, like milk shakes, when blended with ice!
They stocked up on RELOAD, on GROW, and on EAT!
And also on BURN! for those fat
tailor came weekly, Santa toned up his core,
And the reindeer were healing,
their backs weren't sore!
Last year they were ready
to pull the sleigh with a tractor,
But the reindeer no longer
saw the deer chiropractor.
was thrilled, Mrs. Claus gleamed with pride,
And Donner and Blitzen were back in their stride.
Santa was touched, jolly Nick almost cried,
When Rudolph said, "next year on my back you can ride!"
If this years the year resolutions
Then follow the program like good ol' Saint Nick!
Your brand new reflection
will finally arrive
If you get on the program
Make your 2005 fitness New Years
Resolution the one that changes your life! Get the
program that best meets your needs, or if you live in
South Florida, call 1 800 552-1998 now to reserve your tickets
for the next Breakthroughs
details on Phil's TRANSFORM! Program
Click here for
"Straight Talk" About TRANSFORM!
which of Phil's Programs is Best For You?
Click here for a review and some
personal assistance from Phil
as to which nutritional products are best?
Click here and explore the virtues
of EAT, BURN, GROW, and RELOAD
the book that has everyone talking
to get the training and eating strategies down?
Listen to the audio track
the information you need to take control of your body!
Call 1 800 552-1998
or visit the online
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Wellington, Florida 33414
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