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Update - December 26, 2004

By Phil Kaplan

Twas the day after Christmas, two-thousand-and-four,
The elves were hung over and sprawled on the floor.
It was quite a party they had at the Pole,
Cause Santa left town with his presents and coal.

They needed release, oh the year was so stressful.
Their mission to make all the toys was successful,
But Santa was grumpy, his temper was foul,
He'd show up for a work with a grimace and scowl.

Feasting on cheesecake and hooked on caffeine,
Santa was tired, obsessive, and mean.
The old ho-ho-hoing was buried by sobs
Mrs. Claus thought her hubby was addicted to carbs!

"Hooray!" the elves cheered as the old guy went South,
With a mumble, a grumble, a candy cane in his mouth.
They broke out the liquor, they squealed with delight,
They were free from the stress, it was Christmas Eve night!

Rudolph was tired, he’d just pulled the sleigh
And Santa spent all week at the North Pole Buffet.
The Scale at the Pole went to 344,
But Santa had grown, yes they knew he weighed more.

Rudolph and Santa had a pre-Christmas chat,
The sweet red nosed reindeer said, "you're just too fat,"
"You've got to do something" Rudolph complained,
The reindeer last year spent two months with back pain.

So Santa decided, right after his run,
He'd stay in Fort Lauderdale, take in some sun.
He'd plan out his plan so he'll be at his best,
And Rudolph and friends earned a vacation rest.

Sweaty and tired and a little distraught,
Santa checked into the Wyndham Resort
He went to his room and took off his red suit.
He stood in his boxers and he thought he looked cute.

'Til he saw his reflection and screamed out “Oh, no!”
“I look like that fellow made of Pillsbury Dough!”
He screamed even louder and had a conniption
Then called for the doctor to write a prescription.

The Doctor said “Santa, you’ve got to trim down.
A drug’s not the answer, but I’m glad you’re in town.”
"Don't get upset by what I have to say,
There's no need to panic, help's on the way!"

"Your blood pressure’s up in the dangerous range
Your condition requires a lifestyle change.
Now here at the Wyndham a treat is in store.
Phil Kaplan’s beginning his seminar tour!"

Doc grabbed the phone and he called Holly quick,
“I’ll need one more ticket for my patient Saint Nick.”
"His muscles are weak and his glucose is high,
He's got to drop pounds or the reindeer won't fly!"

Doc hung up the phone and he shouted "Aha"
Holly said the Wyndham Resort has a spa!
"Go there and relax, lay back, take a break
Then go for a walk and avoid chocolate cake."

"But what should I do," Santa asked with concern,
"Just ease up on stress, and use sunscreen, don't burn!"
"In about 20 days your life will start changing
Phil Kaplan will teach you meal rearranging."

He sat at the spa and he tried to relax,
But he was overtaken by carb craving attacks.
He went back to the room in utter frustration,
It was time to learn the secrets of body transformation!

Santa whipped out his laptop with a wireless link
And he went to in a blink
He read about diets, and all of the bunk,
And fitness devices that were nothing but junk.

Meanwhile outside Santa’s comfortable room,
Rudolph relaxed his hooves all afternoon.
He laid out with Prancer and Blitzen and Donner,
The waitress came by with a pina colada,

A couple walked by all the reindeer and said,
“He’s drinking, no wonder his nose is so red”
But Rudolph just lifted has glass and he laughed.
Blitzen ordered a beer, a Budweiser on draft.

The reindeer were happy, cause Santa admitted,
He had to do something, he finally committed.
If Santa lost weight they’d crack open champagne
And next year there'd be no more reindeer back pain.

Santa sat back with his prized newfound knowledge,
He felt like he'd just been to fitness truth college.
He turned on the TV and the TV portrayed,
The Home Shopping Network's post-Christmas parade!

The first product up was new Trim Away Gel,
Then Tony went by on his treasured Gazelle,
The cell phone that counts all the calories you eat,
Was followed by electrodes that you place on your feet.

"Oh you can lose weight," the host said, with no doubt,
"Just buy these new chocolates with carbs taken out."
Next up were pills that would add to your bust,
And Santa was watching in utter disgust.

And then came the shoes, yes, the cellulite burners,
They'd give you great legs just like young Tina Turner's.
Santa stood up yelled “Enough is enough”
And he pulled out his journal and started writing some stuff.

He looked at his belly and finally surmised,
He was one of the millions who had supersized
It was time to resolve, make a new resolution
2005 was the year of solution.

On the 13th of January the mass transformation
Began with Phil clearing up misinformation.
As Santa took notes all the people did cheer,
Phil said on the cheat day they could still have their beer.

They wouldn't be starving or swallowing pills,
They'd tone up their muscles and aerobic skills.
The best part of all was that Kaplan unveiled,
his strategy promising "no one can fail!"

Then Santa was ready, he took a train home
The elves picked him up at the station in Nome.
And back in the North Santa took Phil's advice,
He ate chicken breasts, salad, and some brown rice.

He started weight training a few times a week
He learned it was simple to shape his physique.
He felt so much better, he jogged through the snow,
And once again elves heard the old Ho Ho Ho.

He found himself enjoying aerobic dance.
His tailor said, "Santa, let's take in your pants."
His clothes all fit better, his mood had improved,
And even the elves started to eat better food.

'Twas oh simple with Kaplan's advice,
And his powders, like milk shakes, when blended with ice!
They stocked up on RELOAD, on GROW, and on EAT!
And also on BURN! for those fat burning weeks.

The tailor came weekly, Santa toned up his core,
And the reindeer were healing, their backs weren't sore!
Last year they were ready to pull the sleigh with a tractor,
But the reindeer no longer saw the deer chiropractor.

Rudolph was thrilled, Mrs. Claus gleamed with pride,
And Donner and Blitzen were back in their stride.
Santa was touched, jolly Nick almost cried,
When Rudolph said, "next year on my back you can ride!"

If this years the year resolutions will stick,
Then follow the program like good ol' Saint Nick!
Your brand new reflection will finally arrive
If you get on the program in 2005!

Make your 2005 fitness New Years Resolution the one that changes your life! Get the program that best meets your needs, or if you live in South Florida, call 1 800 552-1998 now to reserve your tickets for the next Breakthroughs event!

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